The end of absentee ballots? Who’s crying in Miami-Dade County?

Miami’s political consultants are going to be de luto.
President Donald Trump announced over the weekend that he’s drafting an executive order — all by himself, of course — to ban absentee ballots and mail-in ballots before the 2026 midterms. Because, claro, nothing screams democracy like one guy deciding how 150 million people should vote.
But anybody who’s been around Miami-Dade politics longer than five minutes knows absentee ballots are the OG battlefield. Trump didn’t invent this paranoia. And there are plenty of people in the 305 who are crying in their cafecito and doing Santeria rituals right now to try to stop the president from doing this.
Absentee ballots here are as much a part of elections as pastelitos and senior housing. Who can forget the 1997 Miami mayor’s race that got tossed because of dead voters and ballots from outside the city limits? Or Sergio“El Tío” Robaina — uncle to ex-Hialeah Mayor Julio Robaina — who was famously caught up in the absentee game of the 2012 election and was charged with several felonies, including tampering with the ballot of a voter who had dementia. Or Anamary Pedrosa, an aide to then Miami-Dade Esteban Bovo was caught with 165 ABs in the trunk of her car at Bovo’s district office. Or Deisy Cabrera, who police said handled at least 31 ballots.
All of them made plea deals — which kept the elected officials they were working for safe.
Congressman Carlos Gimenez was running for re-election as Miami-Dade mayor in 2012 when his Hialeah campaign office was caught up in this absentee ballot fraud operation. After he won, Gimenez dismantled the public corruption squad at the county’s police department that had found the AB fraud.
Longtime political consultant Sasha Tirador, the absentee ballot queen who’s worked both sides of the aisle, built her whole reputation on delivering votes before the polls even opened. And there’s a whole rogues gallery of boleteros and boleteras — campaign operatives “helping” abuelitos at the senior centers — who turned absentee ballot harvesting into an art form. And a lucrative business.
Candidates knew the score. They budgeted for it: palm cards, T-shirts, radio ads — and the boletera network.
And now here comes Trump, pretending he’s discovered the problem, saying the states are just “agents” of the federal government and must do what the el presidente says. Somebody should hand him a copy of the Constitution. Spoiler: He doesn’t have that power. Not even close. Legal experts are already lining up to call this EO what it is: a pipe dream.
Read related: More than half a mil Miami-Dade vote-by-mail, absentee ballots favor Dems
The irony? Florida Republicans, the same party that kisses Trump’s ring, perfected the absentee ballot game. They used them for years to lock in older Cuban voters from their recliners — or their hospice beds. Trump himself mailed in his vote from Palm Beach. But now, because Democrats leaned more on mail ballots during the pandemic, suddenly they’re a communist plot.
Even Vladimir Putin, Trump says, “agrees” with him on ending mail-in voting. Which should tell you everything. Is that where he got the idea? Alaska?
Look, Ladra isn’t here to defend the absentee ballot hustle. Too many elections have been tainted by it — from Hialeah to Sweetwater to Homestead — to call it “clean.” June’s special election in Miami’s District 4 has been marked by allegations that ABs were signed after senior voters were threatened that they would lose services. It’s supposed to be under investigation.
But let’s be real: Trump’s order isn’t about protecting democracy. It’s about kneecapping Democrats while giving his boleteras in Westchester, Allapattah and La Saguesera a nostalgic hug.
And if Miami’s long history teaches us anything, banning absentee ballots won’t kill fraud. It will just force the players — Sasha, Tío Robaina’s spiritual heirs, and the rest of the absentee mafia — to find a new hustle.
Because in Miami, where there are votes, there’s always alguien trying to hustle them.
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